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Home & Family Life:
Dealing With Changes in the Family

Children flourish and learn when their lives include routines.  However, every child's life will also include change, and as they adjust, they will require patience, support, and understanding to help move through the transition in a healthy, happy way.  Children each experience change in their own ways; where some can move through the time very easily, and others will need additional support and guidance.  

Some of the changes that commonly impact children and require extra time and support include:

• Starting school
• Moving to a new home
• A new baby sibling
• Divorce or other relationship changes
• The death of a family pet

Of course, not all of the changes where children need assistance are large and obvious.  Other changes through which your child may need guidance and understanding include:

• Stopping the use of a pacifier
• Finishing the use of a bottle
• Moving from crib to a cot or bed
• Learning to dress themselves
• Having a playmate move away

Keep in mind that just because you're excited about a change, doesn't mean that it will be easy or exciting for your child.

Furthermore, children all have their own ways of dealing with the changes in their lives.  Even very young children will find their own unique ways of handling the changes they face.  Common reactions include:

• Coping well with some sudden changes, but struggling with others
• Remaining calm and accepting
• Becoming angry or upset
• Needing time to adjust
• Mirroring your abilities to cope - if you seem upset, they may take on those feelings, while if you're calm, the child may be reassured by this.

To help your child to deal with change, consider the following tips:

• If possible, prepare your child in advance for any upcoming changes.  If you can involve your children in planning for the change and talking about how they feel about the change, it will be much less jarring when it happens.
  
• Keep the lines of communication open.  Answer your child's questions as honestly and fully as you can, and allow your child to ask the same question more than once. 
  
• Include your child.  When they are involved and feel that they can see the event build from the very beginning, and possibly even contribute to the way that the change will take place, they will understand it and therefore manage it much more effectively and positively.
  
• Discuss your feelings and encourage your child to discuss his or her feelings as well.  Reassure your child that what he or she is feeling is alright and that you are there to help your child get through the feelings and the change.
  
• When experiencing a change, try to maintain as many other routines as possible, so there is some comfort for your child to fall back upon.
  
• Don't forget to give plenty of hugs.

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December 2007
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March 2008
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