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Career Success:
Dealing with Problem People at Work, Instead of Hiding behind a Mask
You know that you wear a certain kind of invisible mask when you’re at work. Your mask shows only your professional, controlled, and “work-appropriate” side.
Frequently, these masks are used to keep on a “smile” while we are actually upset with something at work. This can be a tight deadline, a frustrating customer we’ve only just served, or a problem with a coworker. However, if the problem you’re having with a coworker is ongoing, it isn’t always wise to continue Hiding behind your mask and pretending everything is alright. There are times when it is important to put on a different mask at work – one that remains professional, but doesn’t allow problem co-workers to walk all over you.
There are different ways that are very effective for dealing with problem co-workers that can maintain your professionalism, as well as your work relationships, without damaging your reputation or hurting anyone. It is an unfortunate time when you need to deal with a team member who is unpleasant or even hostile, but managing the situation instead of hiding from it or pretending that it’s not there will remove the problem – or at least better it – allowing your workdays to become much more enjoyable.
Remember that the longer you avoid a problem, the more time it has to grow and evolve. This makes it important to deal with problems with co-workers as soon as you can, before they get out of control.
The first challenge is to identify what kind of problem co-worker you’re dealing with. You need to actually identify what is bothering you about a certain coworker. You can’t solve a problem just by saying that someone is being a problem. You need to identify that problem so that it can be solved in a constructive way.
Use the following tips to help you through the process.
- Ask yourself if it is you being difficult, or if the co-worker is really being a problem. In the case of abuse, harassment, or aggressive behavior, it isn’t you, it’s the other person, and you should do something about it. Look carefully at the more “gray” areas, and make a decision as to whether the issue is worth pursuing.
- Unless it is a case of harassment or abuse, give the problem co-worker the benefit of the doubt. They may not even know they’re doing it. If nobody else has done anything about the issue, then they may not be doing this deliberately just to bother you.
- Privately, professionally, calmly, and directly bring up the problem with the co-worker (except in the case of harassment or abuse, where you should automatically speak to your manager). If the discussion occurs within earshot of other team members, you may embarrass your coworker, making him or her defensive. That’s the last thing you want – you’re trying to be constructive. Be reasonable, and have some suggestions handy in case the coworker would like options for resolving the problem. Bringing up the problem in a constructive, professional way will show that you have faith that it can be resolved privately, between the two of you.
- When you speak to the coworker, speak in positive phrases, and constructive sentences. For example, for a loud co-worker, you might say “Occasionally, customers have pointed out that they can hear what you’re saying in the background. Would it be possible for you to speak more softly?” If you are dealing with a gossipy coworker, and this makes you uncomfortable, you might say “I know you feel strongly about Bob, but I like him and I think he’s a valuable member of this company. I’d prefer not to discuss negative comments about him.” At this time, you might give a pleasant alternative to ease the comment, such as “but I’m more than happy to see pictures from your vacation last week – I’d love for you to tell me what it was like in France.” Do what feels comfortable for you, but keep it positive.
- If you cannot solve the problem on your own, speak to a manager. Don’t gripe to other co-workers, this won’t solve the problem. Your manager may have ideas to solve the issue that may not have occurred to you. Furthermore, if the problem is serious – such as harassment or aggression – then your manager will be the one who can take control of the situation.
Always remember that dealing with difficult coworkers is a part of every job, and it will happen to everyone at some time or another. Learning to deal with these issues before they get out of control is an important part of enjoying your work. |
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